In yo' face from across the room, BUSTA

It seems to be a reoccurring theme whenever I am out in public at either a restaurant, a coffee shoppe or any other establishment of the variety there is always that one person who lives to OUT talk the entire place. Despite the background music, the noise of the establishments daily operations and other patrons this Busta will find you anywhere you try and hide.

They feed off noise and not just any noise. Rather they feed off the sound of their own obnoxious voice. Their need to out talk in both volume and quantity the entire establishment is fed by their never ending self-absorbed stories. Now, I do not have a problem with chatty people. There is a difference, however, between sharing your incredible stories with the company you keep and the entire public. Believe it or not your stories really are not that incredible and your voice really is horrific.

Whatever happened to indoor voices?

Bustas Behind the Wheel

BRB Bustas

I think it's time we clearly define the word "right." As in, "I'll call you right back." In my humble opinion, insertion of the word "right" invokes a sense of urgency. As in, "I'll call you back within the next ten or fifteen minutes." Some loose "right" users may even intend to call within the hour. Those people should be lightly admonished, but if you are among the Bustas who tell someone that you will call them "right back" and then fail to do so for hours, shame on you!

DISCLAIMER: Those in extremely close friendly relationships are, for the most part, exempt from my criticism. I still think that the word "right" should be used delicately, but we all know that phone rules rarely apply to best friends and that you are in fact permitted to treat them like shit.

Babysitting Bustas

Parents can be a pain. Other people's parents, that is. This babysitter has provided childcare services to dozens of sets of parents and feels qualified to label some of them Bustas.

For example: (1) parent who expects said babysitter to chauffeur their child all over the city during record high gasoline prices and doesn't offer to pay babysitter's gas, or (2) parent who refuses to acknowledge babysitter's presence when she is in the same room as parent, or (3) parents who rounds down in calculating rate and pays in very large, nearly unbreakable bills, or (4) parent who is practically unreachable save through an assistant who is never fully informed, or (5) parent whose response to babysitter apologizing for being sick (because whether or not babysitter is sick is completely within babysitter's control) is, "[nervous laugh] Well, you know..."

Yeah, I do.

Bustas in the Bathroom

This one goes out to anyone who has had to deal with that guy or lady in the bathroom who just doesn't know when to shut up and let someone poop in peace.

I think any reasonable person can agree that a little doorway conversation is appropriate.

"Hey, Jim Bob Duggar."
"Oh hey, Georgia. How's it goin'."
"Yup, yup."

No problem.

The issue is that some people don't understand that a stall door is more than just some aluminum that swings (but rarely latches) between two thin walls. The truth is that little door swings between dimensions and, more importantly, states of mind and being. When you go into that stall, you become the beast that nature intended.

In beast mode, man is not meant to continue his discussion of how the Indians are really sucking this week, or that doozy of a hail storm that dented up your new RV the other night, or how much you'd like to tap that new intern who went to high school with your daughter.

These topics of discussion are perfectly acceptable at any other time, in any other setting. But once that door is is closed, I only talk one language, and that's poop.





Also, don't stink up the bathroom right before I get in there, okay? We all know it was you, and this is my place to be disgusting.

Chainlink Fences

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3, 2008 WWW.USDOJ.GOV

CRM (773) 432-4138 BustasInc.com

CHAINLINK FENCE ARRESTED ON ASSAULT INDICTMENT

AKRON, OH - Assistant Attorney General Christopher A. Wray of the Criminal Division today announced that a chainlink fence, 26, of Cleveland, Ohio, has been arrested on a seven-count indictment returned by a federal grand jury in Akron on May 30, 2008. The fence was arrested today by agents of the U. S. Postal Inspection Service, the U. S. Secret Service in Cleveland, Ohio, and the U.S. Marshals Northern Ohio Violent Fugitive Bustas Task Force pursuant to an arrest warrant. The fence is scheduled to appear at a bond hearing this afternoon before a U.S. Magistrate Judge of the United States District Court for the Ninth District of Ohio, Akron Division.

The indictment charges that the chainlink fence defrauded the victim, Colin Morris, concerning its height from the ground on the side opposite that from which Morris was traversing the fence. In addition causing Morris a proper panic during the jump, the fence done knife his punk ass in the hand for his tomfoolery, causing the victim to bleed profusely and require emergency medical treatment. He received three stitches and his mother was very worried.

Previously, in related cases, barbed wire fences and gravelly roads have pleaded guilty to separate Informations charging them with conspiracy and both have served sentences on prior convictions. Both are bustas.

The investigation by the U.S. Secret Service and U.S. Postal Inspection Service is ongoing. Jim Bob Duggar is Acting United States Attorney for this case, and the prosecution is being handled by Georgia and Maebe Booth, attorneys for the Fraud Section, Criminal Division of the United States Department of Justice.

Members of the public are reminded that the indictment contains only charges. A defendant is presumed innocent of the charges and it will be the government’s burden to prove a defendant’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt at trial.

###

04-158

Sickmouf Busta

I can has oreo :: I can has filfy teefs

I can 12 oreos :: total mudmouth, yuck city

I'm in Acme, eyeing your milks :: $1.59 for topsy tummytron


Oreos, you so goods, butt you nasty in my face.

Natural Busta!

I think it is time that we realize that Mother Nature is a Busta and she is pissed. It takes a true and powerful Busta to wipe 1/4 million people off the planet in about three days. Amazing and annoying! I know some of you are thinking you shouldn't call Mother Nature a Busta because she will smite more people. I don't give a damn! It is time someone calls her out and that is what we do here at Bustas, Inc. 

I do understand her anger and frustration. (See Global Warming) However, I think her outburst, or Bustaburst(tm), should be more targeted. See the entries below. 

At Bustas, Inc., we hope that exposing Bustas will impact their behavior. Something tells me we will see more evidence of this Busta in the future.

-The Chairman

Rich Uncle Pennybags, A.K.A. Mr. Monopoly

Rich Uncle Pennybags is the most dastardly trademark of imperialist capitalism and mustachioed tomfoolery since Cap'n Crunch. He is a vagrant and a busta.

And don't let those coolio smoke rings fool you. This guy is pure freak. Ever look at the cards in Monopoly? I mean, really look at them? The top hat terrorist hands out cash and out-of-jail passes like it's nothing -- obviously well connected to the wrong crowd.




Among certain informed circles Mr. Pennybags is infamous for his his addiction to psychostimulant drugs, which only agitates his penchant for breakdancing.

By Your Side - Busta Lies!

Posting this Busta truly saddens my heart. However, Sade is with out a doubt a busta - this woman has not released an album, gone on tour, or probably even sang in the shower since the year 2000. What does she do all day? Being a Sade fan really puts the sad in sadistic. Seriously Sade, make some new music.

Back to Busta

Yeah, we know you are no good! Neither is that funk on your Busta-Ass face. Amy Winehouse is a total Busta because she actually has a good deal of talent going to waste. Rather than capitalize on it and be a good musician she wants to smoke crack and get alien skin infections.

She was arrested again, today. Apparently, for smoking crack on  video. I would arrest her for being ugly on video. (Check out the pictures in the linked article. She is wearing some sort of bikini, but there is no beach or Sun.)

There is no doubt in my mind that this chick is a Busta. I just hope she goes to Busta rehab, and learns how to be less of a Busta.

Iron Man: Busta

Here's the thing about Marvel's Tin Man, who just made his big screen debut strapped to Robert Downey's coke joke revoked body: he has all the disadvantages of Batman's lack of super powers, but hardly any of the awesomeness with which the caped crusader compensates.

Does this sound familiar? Rich playboy moonlights as a rapper and fights crime on the side, using his unexplained genius in physics, hot rods and primary colors. The difference? Iron Man is a crap detective who picks his battles and only fights communists. Like a busta.

He also has some of the lamest enemies (the linked list puts "alcoholism" at the top) I've ever heard of, including but not limited to Mandroids, Controller (a mind controlling scientist) and Iron Monger.

Iron Monger.

Iron Monger is actually featured in the movie, according to Wikipedia (I always accord to Wikipedia), because director Jon Favreau wanted a villain who would "dwarf Iron Man à la RoboCop 2." Favreau does have some taste though, as evidenced by his decision to omit the name Iron Monger from the film.

But that reminds me that villains attempting to create suits like Iron Man's and play his own tricks on him is a running theme in the storyline. Which is old after the first time.



Did I mention Iron Man's an alcoholic? Perhaps his only saving grace. An alcoholic robot. They should have just called him that.

BustCasts: Good Stories, LOLcanoes, prizes!

Prize to the first busta to come up with a better name for Bustas, Inc. podcasts than BustCasts. Cut me some slack, my friend's sister/wife is pregnant. I'm stressed.

Listen to the chairman's dream:

Windows Busta

WARNING: This is a website feature called a 'blog post.' Press 'OK' to continue, or 'report' to send information about the problem to Microsoft.

People react to Windows Vista in one of two ways. Either they don't know it exists because their company's IT department smartly refuses the upgrade, or they hate it because it's such a Busta.

In fact, they should have just called Microsoft Busta.




Vista's codename during its top-secret development was "Longhorn," which is kind of ironic considering its positively flacid public release in January. Leading up to the release Microsoft kept details tightly under wraps, perhaps to create the illusion someone was interested in them. Microsoft has entire cubicle farms dedicated to populating the internet with fake forums and blogs speculating about its new products and how awesome they are, not unlike KSU President Lester Lefton's editing of his own Wikipedia page to include a section called "popular." What a douchebag.

One of the most annoying things about Windows XP is all the messages that pop up on your screen to tell you ways Microsoft wants to improve your user experience. Clearly a glutton for irony, Microsoft has increased the number of pop-ups and confusing error messages tenfold in Vista. Some, like the one above, are so insulting you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Anyway, Vista sucks.

An Afternoon in Busta

For the past week or so I've been debating whether or not this girl is a true Busta. The Chairman had assured me awhile back, that, yes, yes, she was. I however, was not certain the internets could properly convey her Bustaness as some things are lost in translation.

Onward...

Everybody loves a groupie, right? Of course. So, there's this girl, pictured above. She's what I'd call a groupie. Her band of choice is the Slackers. At every Slackers show she runs to the stage and pretends to be a bouncer, stands front and center, shouting words that aren't the Slackers. As she rushes forth her beer gut flops around, she spills beer, sweat oozes from her being, her hair a matted mess, her too small clothes squeeze her excess skin in obscene ways.

No matter where you stand, no matter where you try to hide, this Busta's loud voice and dancing body will find you, and make you squirm. She'll take the ska out of skanking, she'll make your blood boil, she'll make you wish you were the Busta and she were on the receiving end.

Busta was a gas!

Dominion East Ohio Gas is an entire company of Bustas. Why? Well, its not really their fault. I mean, I'm the one that used all the natural gas over the winter. So, I should have to pay for it. But I'm really annoyed that they have this alleged "Budget" plan that is supposed to be a somewhat constant amount that they bill you throughout the year. But just when you get the amount worked into your budget, they increase it with out warning.

When called and asked why the "Budget" amount has increased, again, in such a short period of time. Dominion says that they review the account balance every six months and adjust it, but they also review it every month and also adjust it then. Bustas!

All I can say is that next winter there will be no air entering or exiting from my house. I will set up an airlock on the front door, like on a spaceship. No one can enter until the air in the airlock reaches the same temperature as the air in my house. My windows will be replaced with steel. I will paint the appropriate views of the neighborhood on each one. Then it will be sunny everyday. 

Busta State University

Lester Lefton, president of Kent State University, is selfish. He is voluntarily sequestered from the students he serves. In general, he pretty much sucks.

According to Wikipedia:

"Lefton has come under scrutiny for his expense accounts charged to the university. Between July 2006 and July 2007 Lefton expensed $36,741.93 on entertainment and $44,249.34 on travel. In a Sep 26, 2007 editorial in the Akron Beacon Journal Lefton was criticized for extensive travel to Europe a portion of which which was charged to the University, as well as the hiring of two vice presidents during a time when university tuition and fees increased for students. The result of his travel was millions of dollars of donations coming to the University."

In other words, Lester Lefton is a Busta.

Only a true busta edits his own Wikipedia page to create a section titled "Popular" (because no one save his mother could possibly hold this to be true):

"Lefton is popular with students and faculty. A regular at football and basketball games, Lefton usually eats lunch at the student cafeteria,* and he is recognized as a staunch advocate for student concerns. He has put forth a vision for excellence for the university and committed the institution to be a magnet for high achieving students and faculty. A successful fund-raiser, Lefton's vision of putting excellence into action has resonated well with alumni as well as students and faculty."

*He sometimes ventures from his posh, multi-million dollar custom office to visit Quizno's, making sure to look straight ahead at all times and to pretend not to notice students or anyone else who might bother him or say hello.

Plus, let's face it, his name sounds like a child molester's.

Busta of Love

Brett Michaels is a Busta because his show sucks, his career sucks, his choice in sluts sucks, his face sucks, his headwear sucks, his tattoos suck, his music sucks, his life sucks, his STDs suck, his hands suck, his car sucks, his parents suck, his mitochondrial DNA sucks and his name sucks. Pretty much everything about this guys is worthless. So there for he is a Busta!

Hillary Clinton wins the election...

To be the first Busta on the Bustas Inc. Blog. Why is she a Busta? Well, she should of dropped out of the Democratic Presidential Nomination race a while ago and she didn't.  So, what does this Busta do? Knowing she cannot win under any circumstances. She stays in the race and tries do destroy the Democratic Party in the process. This is a prime example of what Bustas do. They are like children. If they don't win, nobody else can play.